Beautiful VS. Sexy

Let me start with what is at first an incendiary statement: women were never meant to be sexy.

I understand that I will probably cop a bit from this post on a couple of fronts: one from being a man talking about women and the other for being a 'prude' or attempting to shame a woman's sexual freedom. I feel however, that this needs to be said and who says it is irrelevant. This is not a negative message by any means.

I hear the word 'sexy' a lot. I read it a lot. In fact, I would put money on it that I hear or read the word at least four times a day.
It has become a throw-away word. One that more often than not simply means good-looking and not even really about sexuality. I have heard people refer to furniture, cars and jewellery as sexy, and it is a bit of a head-scratcher. The worst offenders seem to be reality-show judges; specifically ones that have dancing and singing. Every time I watch those shows it seems the only adjective they know is 'sexy'. It is enough to make someone throw a thesaurus at the TV. It is hard as someone who isn't familiar with the craft on show to differentiate. All the girls are sexy. All the dancers are sexy. They're all good-looking. They're all the same.

But I digress. This isn't about vocabulary, it is about perception.

From time to time a magazine is left in the lunch-room at work. Occasionally I will look through them when the desperation to break the boredom is too much. You needn't look past the front cover to see that appearances matter a lot to some of these magazines. If you are considered 'sexy' in these magazines it is a great achievement and you are splashed over multiple pages. The reverse seems to also be true; if you are caught without make-up (guilty) you are paraded on the front cover.

I understand the scrutiny is a little different for celebrities than people with normal renown, but understand that a celebrity is simply a well-know figure. If it was you or I that were in the spotlight, the scrutiny would be just as harsh.

I don't understand the emphasis on trying to be sexy. I don't understand why women need to try to be sexy for the sake of others approval. Why are you a prude if you decide to dress modestly? This seems upside to me; surely the woman who doesn't need to use her sexuality is the more secure. Surely a woman can be considered and praised without having a low-cut top or a see-through dress.

I believe in our culture too much emphasis is put on looking 'sexy' and not nearly enough is put on being beautiful. Sexuality has a place in identity and self-esteem; but not as its founder and not as its definer. Sexual desire comes and goes in an instant. It is not a foundation on which to build your self-image off of.

Being 'sexy' is temporary at best, but you can be beautiful. That is the key difference, beauty is a state, an identity and not a label.

Some people in our culture seem to believe that by exposing more of a woman's body makes them more accepting of themselves. I strongly disagree. If something is truly valuable, you keep it protected and you keep it safe. You keep it for someone who is going to be responsible for its safe-keeping and truly appreciates the beauty of the entire being.

Being a creative person, I look for the inspiring, the profound and the beautiful. I believe I have an idea what beauty is and arousal is a tiny part of it. Being beautiful is more than just physical appearance, it's personality, character and spirit. It's all encompassing. It is the way a woman carries herself. She makes you believe she is beautiful because she believes it. 

You are beautiful. Believe it.



Addendum: Men deal with this issue also, but in a different way with a different outcome.