I love to dream.
In my dreams I can be anything.
I don't adhere to the rules of the world. The words in my mouth become arrows. The sentences I structure become forts. I am conqueror, a prince, a ruler of my own fate; not a victim of chaos, circumstance or coincidence. Everything is certain, and destiny awaits for me to take hold of it.
Why must the reality of the world attempt to crush that innocence?
You are here by chance.
If you have happiness the odds are against you, you will lose it.
Commitment is useless, love is a lie; take what you can get and keep it for yourself.
I have a lot of experience when it comes to hopelessness. It feels like I am constantly treading a thin line between hope and doubt, love and pain, strength and despair. This isn't because I am unstable, it's because I choose to believe. I have chosen to believe that romance isn't dead, that it is possible to be certain of something, of someone. I have people telling me that conservation is wise, that we should hold back on feelings of certainty. I understand their point of view.
I remember the feeling, when hope reaches its peak then all of a sudden you're in free-fall. Nobody likes the lows of love. It's up there with some of the worst feelings in the world; to have invested so much time, effort, emotion then have it rejected is... crushing.
And yet...
And yet I find myself gripping these dice, rolling them over and over in my hand contemplating whether or not I should gamble my heart once again. I have to know... so I roll.
As the years and experiences have taught me, my gambles become more calculated. But they're a gamble all the same.
For me it's all or nothing. You either dream big, or be content with little.
I dream of a beautiful bride of white, standing on an altar blessed by God and covered with tears of joy.
I dream of a hard cover book with my name on it.
I dream of my songs touching people's souls like only music can.
I dream of a steadfast faith.
I don't know when I will get to those places, but they exist, because I believe in the power of the dream God has put in me.
The free-fall is awful... but certain or uncertain, I'll leap everytime.
