Character VS. Magic Mike

The movie Magic Mike is a big hit with the ladies. But admittedly when I saw parts of it I felt sick to my stomach. I thought, 'is that really what women find attractive? I am none of these things.' I am not nearly as ripped as that dude, I've got body hair that is confronting to say the least and though I would like to think that given a lifetime to learn I could, I can't dance and I am not an exhibitionist. Sure, I can speak eloquently and I have a good sense of humour, but outside of that what do I have to offer? This isn't self-deprecation, just a simple a question how we measure ourselves. By whom and what do we measure off of?
I wonder when the day comes when a woman decides she'd like to be with me will it be because I have changed physically, or whether I will be judged on my whole being and my love for her? The dilemma of men with no magic.


I wrote a post a few days ago about how women in our culture should be encouraged to see themselves as beautiful and not worry about being sexy. As a man I felt it was appropriate to talk about the other side of this. As women typically are sensitive to whether or not people see them as beautiful, men seem to have a similar question.

Where women ask: 'Do I look beautiful?'
Men ask: 'Do I look powerful?'

The honest reaction some men have to that question, though they may never admit it to another soul, is a defeated 'no'. The problem being that they seem to equate physical strength as the only strength that matters. I challenge that idea with another: strength is an attribute of character, not physical aptitude. As it is with women, our culture and advertisements are usually aimed towards a man's most obvious insecurity: his strength.

There seems to be a false correlation made between physical appearance and strength of character. If you see a man overweight in the street, the immediate judgement is to assume he has a character flaw of laziness or cowardice; a weakness.

Hear me right, I have nothing against physical fitness, but I do believe that steroid use, especially in young men, could be connected with this belief.
Think of this scenario, you train harder and harder, every time consistently seeing results and improving your physical appearance then one day those results stop suddenly. You want to get bigger, cut more fat and gain more muscle mass but your body won't go any further in your quest to be more attractive. You start to age, and it's harder to maintain the body you want. Someone offers you a drug that will help you get to the next level or maintain your current one, do you take it?

It seems sometimes we are willing to ignore certain realities to get to the level fantasy when it comes to appearances. Even to the point where the people who matter have absolutely no problem with how we look, we want to take it further to make ourselves feel better. That is insecurity.

Strength is character. Insecurity is a weakness in character. The strength in our character is found in integrity, composure and steadfastness. To find this strength we need to face and master our mortality. Not in the sense that we become reckless thrill-seekers looking for new ways to endanger our lives, but by being purposeful with our limited time on earth.

When our muscles shrivel and our joints cease and we look back upon our lives, what will we see? Will it be self-indulgence and desperate insecurity? Or will we know that we have come into this world and marked it in some way for the better?
The great truth that every man must know about strength is that we were born with it. We were born to endure, to press on and fight. We simply need to turn our eyes inward and find it.

We all have what it takes. Don't settle for a counterfeit strength.

Beautiful VS. Sexy

Let me start with what is at first an incendiary statement: women were never meant to be sexy.

I understand that I will probably cop a bit from this post on a couple of fronts: one from being a man talking about women and the other for being a 'prude' or attempting to shame a woman's sexual freedom. I feel however, that this needs to be said and who says it is irrelevant. This is not a negative message by any means.

I hear the word 'sexy' a lot. I read it a lot. In fact, I would put money on it that I hear or read the word at least four times a day.
It has become a throw-away word. One that more often than not simply means good-looking and not even really about sexuality. I have heard people refer to furniture, cars and jewellery as sexy, and it is a bit of a head-scratcher. The worst offenders seem to be reality-show judges; specifically ones that have dancing and singing. Every time I watch those shows it seems the only adjective they know is 'sexy'. It is enough to make someone throw a thesaurus at the TV. It is hard as someone who isn't familiar with the craft on show to differentiate. All the girls are sexy. All the dancers are sexy. They're all good-looking. They're all the same.

But I digress. This isn't about vocabulary, it is about perception.

From time to time a magazine is left in the lunch-room at work. Occasionally I will look through them when the desperation to break the boredom is too much. You needn't look past the front cover to see that appearances matter a lot to some of these magazines. If you are considered 'sexy' in these magazines it is a great achievement and you are splashed over multiple pages. The reverse seems to also be true; if you are caught without make-up (guilty) you are paraded on the front cover.

I understand the scrutiny is a little different for celebrities than people with normal renown, but understand that a celebrity is simply a well-know figure. If it was you or I that were in the spotlight, the scrutiny would be just as harsh.

I don't understand the emphasis on trying to be sexy. I don't understand why women need to try to be sexy for the sake of others approval. Why are you a prude if you decide to dress modestly? This seems upside to me; surely the woman who doesn't need to use her sexuality is the more secure. Surely a woman can be considered and praised without having a low-cut top or a see-through dress.

I believe in our culture too much emphasis is put on looking 'sexy' and not nearly enough is put on being beautiful. Sexuality has a place in identity and self-esteem; but not as its founder and not as its definer. Sexual desire comes and goes in an instant. It is not a foundation on which to build your self-image off of.

Being 'sexy' is temporary at best, but you can be beautiful. That is the key difference, beauty is a state, an identity and not a label.

Some people in our culture seem to believe that by exposing more of a woman's body makes them more accepting of themselves. I strongly disagree. If something is truly valuable, you keep it protected and you keep it safe. You keep it for someone who is going to be responsible for its safe-keeping and truly appreciates the beauty of the entire being.

Being a creative person, I look for the inspiring, the profound and the beautiful. I believe I have an idea what beauty is and arousal is a tiny part of it. Being beautiful is more than just physical appearance, it's personality, character and spirit. It's all encompassing. It is the way a woman carries herself. She makes you believe she is beautiful because she believes it. 

You are beautiful. Believe it.



Addendum: Men deal with this issue also, but in a different way with a different outcome.