The title of this post may have seemed more than a little bizarre, but it will all make sense in a moment. Recently I have been struggling with a particular theological analogy. This particular analogy seems to be something that a lot of men struggle with at some point or another due to it being often mentioned during a preach, in worship and just in the church in general. If you haven't guessed yet, I am talking about the 'Bride' analogy in a lot of the old testament and some of the new testament. These scriptures are generally the ones that refer to either Israel or the church as a bride.
The problem that men face aren't the scriptures themselves; in the scriptures the writers are clear to discern that they are using marriage as an analogy. An analogy is something that shares certain traits with the subject or concept you are trying to explain; they share a likeness but not all traits. This is where I think men start to feel uncomfortable. The reason the scribes of the bible use these marriage and wedding analogies and allagory is because marriage, the act of a man and a woman becoming one, is the closest thing to the intensity and unity of relationship we experience in Christ.
The pursuit, fervour and intimacy that God has in relationship with us can only be best described by using the most intimate human relationship we know. We are becoming one with Christ. The 'we' is important also, because Jesus' bride is the church, not any single person, but the body of believers. We are all parts of the body, not the body itself. Israel was a people, not an individual, so once again, God is using this imagery to show the intensity of his relationship with his people.
Where most men get confused, and where I certainly found myself uncomfortable, is when people started to refer to their relationship with Jesus as a 'romance'. I believe most men get caught on this word in worship, in books and in preaching because to us romance conotates going to a movie, perhaps faking a yawn to put your arm around a girl and leaning in for a kiss. So when the image of Jesus romancing his bride comes up, a man wonders if he is the female in that relationship and his mind probably goes to some concerning prison imagery... maybe that one is just me.
There are also men who feel uncomfortable with 'falling in love with God' or Jesus as it may vary. This I do not as personally identify with, but I do understand. The kind of love that is exerted in a marriage and infinitely more in our relationship with God is a decisive, relentless and longsuffering love that is not based on feelings. 'Loving' someone is not that same as being 'in love' with someone. Being 'in love' has an emotional base and therefore is privy to going in the opposite direction. It is harder to maintain because it has the propensity to fade or be motivated in the other direction. 'Falling in love' also once again conotates a romantic or sexual aspect to a relationship; one that men feel is ill-suited to the one they have with Christ and God.
Most men, and I am doing my best not to generalise here, are very protective of their sexuality. To them, sexuality has no place in their relationship with Jesus. Sex is a gift from God meant to make marriage stand above any other human relationship both in intimacy and unification between husband and wife. With Jesus and men being of the same gender, well, it's obvious why men would feel uncomfortable worshipping to 'Jesus you hold me close and whisper to me' or why they would not want to be compared to 'a bride waiting on her wedding bed'. With some worship songs around you could even replace Jesus' name with a woman's name and would sound like a love song. However, some of those gripes could be boiled down simply to a matter of taste and poetic lisence.
How I see, and how I believe men see Jesus and God the Father is as a brother and father; a general and king. Men don't particularly want to 'fall in love' with Jesus, though they do love Him. They want to follow Jesus into battle, fight by his side and shed their blood for him. Intense devotion, honour, reverence and honesty is what men give to Jesus. They want to be like Him, sit at his feet and learn the ways of war; the ways of the divine bloodline they've been adopted into. They want to learn what is to love, passionately, fervently and honourably as their father and brother do. That is what I believe men see when they look at their relationship with Jesus. I don't believe the problem is affection. Some of the greatest men I know are very affectionate to their sons, brothers and fathers; not just their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters.
Of course, in saying all of this, I am aware that there are men who have no problem with this. No matter what is said or heard they know their relationship with God is one that transcends earthly comparison and they don't get drawn into the wrong context. However, these are all real feelings felt by men in the church and I hope in some way I have given voice to a discussion about these tensions.
If there is one thing that is universal in all this, it is the fact that we are each a unique expression of God and that gender is part of that unique make-up. Don't feel discouraged if there are things that don't make sense to you, simply go to the Word of God and the people of wisdom and meditate over what is spoken. Our relationship with God is always changing and progressing until the day we unite with Him in heaven.
God bless.
Many thanks to the 'Christian Men' group on the Art of Manliness website for inspiring this blog post.
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