Hidden From Grace

If shame had a visual representation I would liken it to a frail old man carrying a boulder on his back up a steep hill. So weighed down by the massive rock that his feet sunk deep into the mud; so much so that every step is an agonising balancing act to stop himself from falling backwards and having to start the journey again. As a Christian and a person I have a tendency to take on unnecessary shame. I also have the tendency to hide it all; justified and unjustified.

One thing I am learning little by little is that the shame we hide is the shame that God wants to free us from. Grace does not clean us up on the outside just so we can remain rusted on the inside. We should hide nothing before God because to Him we are the righteousness of His son.
However, for whatever reason I attempt to repent without giving everything over. If I was to believe the full condemnation of my conscience I would be a prideful, raping, slandering, lying thief that values his own needs above everyone elses. For a time I did believe all of those things about myself and I would attempt to repent without giving that shame over; without putting it before God to judge. Putting yourself in the light to be judged is what true repentance is.

Though we know that we are saved by grace, this vulnerability and surrender is crucial. We say, 'God, You are the Lord of my life. You decide my innocence.' We will be found innocent every time as long as we believe that Jesus died covered in our sin and rose again. We cannot have our innocence proven until we lay down our guilt and shame.

'Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life.'
- John 6:47

Pretending your shame doesn't exist is not grace. It is the same as denying you're weakness and expecting it to make you strong. This is why I believe people get trapped in sin. Men who get trapped in pornography have a perception that they are creeps. They are so ashamed that that becomes their identity and they can't break from that pattern because the shame is so heavy that they have trouble confessing it even before God. I have seen girls while I was in highschool who make one mistake and sleep with a guy from their class and get branded a 'whore' or a 'slut' for the rest of their school life. Most of them continue to sleep around because the weight of the shame they feel forces them into an identity they never wanted.

Shame creates an identity, but so does grace. The world's attempt to curb the identity of shame is acceptance. They attempt to normalise our shame but all it does is distort the original intention of our creation. In grace and grace alone is our true identity hidden. When I give over all of the shame that I am harbouring I find something incredible: my true self. Without God we are lost. We lose who we are because who we made to be were people who were in relationship with Him. Within grace, our old self dies and we find our new selves, our true selves and the person that God always intended!

The most fulfilling relationship you'll ever have is one of complete openess with God.

'But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain...'

- 1 Corinthians 15:10