I Will Stand Over Your Fallen

I was reflecting on the way home today (which is pretty much how all of these blogs are thought up) how I have changed over the course of my teenage years and the recent thrust into adulthood. As I thought of these things my imagination begin to form images as symbols of how my outlook had changed and how my priorities shifted. This is what I saw...

First, a man standing across from me hidden in shadow. I scowl at him, as he represents everything I loathe and all that makes me sick. Absolutely everything that is wrong with this world I feel this man is responsible for. I charge him only run into empty air and fall on my face. I slowly pick myself up only to hear the haunting laughter behind me I quickly turn around and tackle him to the ground only to be staring at my own face. I cannot kill myself. He disappears and I am all alone and surrounded by darkness. I put my head in my hands and weep bitterly.

I then saw the same scenario again, this time I had a sword. The sword is a gift from my father, it has his strength, his will and his authority molded into it. Again I charge at him, but I do not know how to wield this sword and he deflects my attack and wounds me greatly. I hit the ground holding my wound and slowly pull myself away while he smirks at my crippled body.

For the third time the same scenario appears. I have this time a sword and a shield. The shield represents discipline, love and integrity. It is round and has painted on it's circular center all the faces of the people I have ever cared about and those who have cared for me. If I fail, my corpse will be laid across my shield to represent what I have sacrificed for.
This time there is no smirk on his face, he sees me as a threat and he is the one to charge. Now that I have my shield I easily deflect his attacks and knock him back. He then disappears under the cloak of darkness. I look around in a ready stance... I then hear a clambering behind me. I turn around I see another man with a sword and shield similar to mine. He represents twenty years of brothers who have stood by me through some tough times.


This all sounds very he-man, I know, I'm not really the confronting type. But this to me is the perfect symbolism of how my life with God and my struggles with pornography, anger and idleness progressed.

Especially since I love the whole warrior view... more than once I've been caught making sound effects while swinging a stick around.